Ending Brian Austin Green's Career

I just saw The Transformers and thought it was really badass. Megan Fox is a staple. So...

I thought this would be a good time to end Brian Austin Green's career. Yes. I've had enough. If you were born after 1986, Brian Austin Green is currently Megan Fox's boyfriend (Yes, the young hottie from Transformers). If you were born before 1986, you know him as the putz from Beverly Hills 90210 who thought he was a rapper. A white rapper. Yes, before Eminem. And yes, around the same time as Vanilla Ice.

Someone needs to tell Mr. Green that he is no longer relevant. The last thing he did that anyone is talking about is how he got Megan Fox to actually date him. I'm so looking forward to the day when she dumps his old ass. Oh, and that day is coming Mr. Green. Make no mistake. I know you're going to read this, so I will direct this to you, personally. The number one misconception about celebrities is that they don't read the internet. Ha, right, they have nothing else better to do, trust me, they read this. And they read UT.

The mere fact that The Transformers is the number one movie in the country already puts Megan Fox light years ahead and above your league. Pretty soon, that fact will be apparent to her, and you'll be a memory. Fox, by being in this mega-hit, and by all the critic's accounts, is poised to be the next Angelina Jolie type of movie star, and you, you are still 'TV guy.' Not only that, but let's face it, her and Shia LaBeouf make a better couple than you and her.

Seeing Mr. Green at age 34 parading around in tacky faded denim and embroidered untucked dress shirts desperately trying to hang on to some form of tacky teenage youth culture is quite frankly, depressing. This guy should if anything, be playing the 'father role' in a Hallmark channel made for TV movie. If that.And as far as you having a Hip Hop career, as an artist or Producer, it's over bro, it's over. It's never going to happen for you, man, it's done. Emimen started 10 years AFTER you had your chance, and he's practically ready to retire from the business himself. He succeeded, and now he's wrapping it up. Where does that leave you? Done. Over. Never. You missed the boat, bro, you missed it. You were the product of a group of coked up TV producers from '91 who thought you'd be a hip addition to a show about Beverly Hills teens from 1991. Yes, teens from 1991! Megan Fox was 5 when you were supposed to be "the cool guy." Face it, the people responsible for your success have either had strokes, died of heart attacks, or are in court right now trying to prove they didn't kill a wannabe TV actress.Megan Fox on the other hand, has a promising future in FILM. Not TV, Film. Get it? She is going to be a distant memory to you, bro. If I were you, I'd tuck in my shirt, first of all. Act your age. And try to score that Oxygen Original Movie, bro, because that's all you are worth right now. And you still have to audition, cause there are better actors than you, even on that level.

Brian, you are not young. No one likes you. They never did. Go away. Thank your lucky stars that you've had the career you've had, mediocre as it's been, and thank The Lord that you were given the lucky chance to have Megan Fox grab your balls. Because Megan will leave you soon enough. Trust me. It's a matter of time. When the box office figures land on her agent's desk, they'll give her some new career advice. "First thing, dump the has-been TV guy, he makes you look cheap."

My advice to you is:

Find a flaky TV actress more your age range, and start a family or something. No teenagers today look to you as a "cool" guy anymore. They never did, really.

Let go, Brian. Let go.