Britney Spears Statue

This thing has become like a nation monument. I can't believe how much people are interested in this thing. Hey, at least people are talking about art.

Sculptor Daniel Edwards uses a razor blade to remove polyurethane from a sculpture of Britney Spears, Wednesday in Moosup, Mass. The life-sized "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," is to be shown at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery in the Williamsburg section of New York beginning April 7.

Everyone's going nuts over this guy's sculpture, let's give him his due...

Weekly Model Thinspiration

I have to post the model stuff early this week because I'm off for the next 3 days! Yippie! This week's winner is actually from China, if you can believe it. The rest are from all over. Here we go:


If you can't tell, the winner is the one on the left. I wonder what that sign says. I won't be an ass and make something up. (Ordifen Lingerie, Pekin, China Fashion Week)



And here are her Chinese model friends. I think in China if a model weighs more than 105 lbs. they get flogged. (Ordifen Lingerie, Pekin, China Fashion Week)



So wierd. Come on, look at the crowd. There's some flogging going on. (Young Designers Contest, China Fashion Week, Beijing)


Ah, yes, Russian girls, my personal weakness. This chick looks like Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. (Natasha Glazkova, Russia Fashion Week, Moscow)



Now these are a pair of model legs! To bad her face is busted. (Diana Dorojkina, Russia Fashion Week, Moscow)



Actually, I don't know why I put this one in here, nice pose. (Andre Correia, Portugal Fashion Week, Oporto)



Lily Cole. She's so unique. (Jean Paul Gaultier, Singapore)



Then my girl Mischa Barton at the Bebe show during Mercedes-Benz fashion week in Culver City. Damn, if she wasn't so damn talented, she could still be a model herself.

Have a great weekend!

Prince Harry In Army Fatigues & Warpaint

Britain's Prince Harry has completed a military exercise on Cyprus. Harry, 21, was among some 200 officer cadets taking part in "Spring Victory" at the British sovereign base of Episcopi, western Cyprus.

I just think it's funny to see this kid in a military uniform.

The Karate Kid: Greatest Movie Of All Time

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, and yes, I did say Casino was the greatest movie of all time. Well, you need to relax, this is Useless Things, and I'm going to make a series out of these posts.


Ever since I was 8 years old, The Karate Kid has been one of my favorite movies. Every guy I know my age loves this movie. It struck a chord with guys from my generation, because it played to everything we wanted at that time, to finally be in High School, have a cool car, a cute girlfriend, and to kick some serious ass! Then there's the whole Mr. Miyagi father figure theme underlining the whole story, but I'm not going to sit here and psychoanalyze a karate movie. Here are my favorite scenes:

It's a Cruel Summer when Daniel says "..this school sucks man! sucks!" I still love that Bananarama song to this day.


Also, to this day I am still attracted to 80's looking (and acting) chicks like Elizabeth Shue.


Best Halloween costume ever. Hands down. I'm going to make this costume for my kids one day.


So Mr. Miyagi pays the Hitleresque Cobra Kai Sensei a visit. "Fear does not exist in this Dojo, DOES IT?!" NO SENSEI!!!


Training begins. Miyagi puts that badass bandana on Daniel. Now I know how the 1950's generation of teens felt when James Dean put on that red jacket in Rebel Without a Cause.


Wax on, Wax off.


"Man who catches fly with chopstick can accomplish anything he wants." Where did they come up with this shit? I bought it, though. I bought it.

Miyagi gets drunk in front of Daniel. We find out he lost his wife and newborn son during the war. The movie turns into something deeper than just a karate movie. Pat Morita earns his Oscar Nomination.


Before the tournament: "Points or no points, you're dead meat!" I was sooooo scared of this guy. Turns out he was Steve McQueen's son.

Miyagi does his "thing" when Daniel sprains his knee. I'm still not sure what that "thing" is, but it works for me!


"Sweep the leg! You gotta problem with that?" Dude, the definition of evil. This guys was nuts!


The pinnacle moment in ALL of cinema. As far as my 8 year old mind was concerned, anyway.



"We did it Mr. Miyagi, we did it!"



I'm man enough to admit that my eyes still water up when I watch this last shot.


That's it! If you think this was bad, check out this Karate Kid Website. It knows a little too much about the movie, compares the filming locations to what they look like today, lists all the music, pictures, sounds, etc. It's ridiculous, but it shows how much this movie meant to a lot of people out there.

Wyeth Art Show

Andrew Wyeth's paintings are displayed at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. The exhibition, " Andrew Wyeth: Memory and Magic," runs through July 16, 2006.

Here's my favorite, and his most famous, Christina's World:

The Salvatore Ferragamo Fiera Bag

I'm just anticipating the flow of paparazzi pics with our favorite celebrity guinea pigs toting this bag.

The new Salvatore Ferragamo Fiera handbag collection blends 13 prints from the brand's signature scarves.

Paris probably has the whole collection already.

Depeche Mode Still Rocks

David Gahan and Martin Gore of the British band Depeche Mode perform on stage during their "Touring the Angel" tour in Zurich, Switzerland, Today.

If you're a 14 year old kid who clicked on this site searching for that picture of Lindsay Lohan at the GM fashion show, do everyone a favor, get into Depeche Mode, and save your generation.

And here is your picture of Lindsay.

I Spoke Too Soon About Sharon Stone

Duh, the Basic Instinct 2 premiere was in New York today. Just when I thought we were done with Sharon Stone. She looks great, I don't care what other blogs say. Oh, she also said today that she won't do a part 3. Let's wait until this hits the box office before we start making those claims, Sharon.


Oh, and Osama Bin Laden's niece was at the premiere too.

Wilmer Valderrama Is A Jackass

Dude, so this guy goes on Howard Stern and not only does he claim he has an eight incher, he also babbles on about all the Hollywood starlets he's been with. That would be Ariana Richard, Lindsay Lohan, Mandy Moore, Ashlee Simpson, and Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I don't understand why he's bragging about that list, really. I'd hide my head in shame. I mean, the only one I'm fond of is Linds, but I find her attractive NOW, not when she was underage and fat.

I Can't Upload Pictures!!

This sucks. I can't upload pics. Having technical difficulties. Stand by.

M

Sharon Stone, Back in the Shadows

The last couple of weeks I've been tracking how many images of Sharon Stone show up on my image server when I search for the term "Stone". Check out the first post, and the second.

Well, things are back to normal now, I guess she has promoted Basic Instinct 2 enough times. So here are the results this week:

6 images in total. 1 picture of Sharon Stone from the movie still. 4 images from India, where a police shooting sparked protests and "stone" throwing. And 1 image of some poor loser in Cambodia mining for precious "stones."

Daria Werbowy Is Still Amazing

Just in case you thought her amazingness ran out. Here is a scan I made from the back cover of a magazine I found in the newsroom. It's Daria Werbowy. It's a Chanel ad. It's a great shot.

The Little Princess of Monaco

Well, she's not really the princess yet, but everyone already calls her Princess Charlotte Casiraghi. Her mother is Princess Caroline of Hanover, who's mother was Grace Kelly, making Charlotte the granddaughter of the famous actress.

Here she is at the "Rose Ball" on Saturday, in Monaco. Doesn't she look like Katie Holmes a little? I mean, without the fat belly and Tom Cruise hanging all around her.

She's truely beautiful, nonetheless. She needs to get her eyebrows done though, they're kind of bushy.

Tom Cruise Jumps On Couch. Yes, Again.

Okay, Tom Cruise is the biggest spectacle in the gossip world. Period. Here he is at the Yahoo Influential Speakers Event in Sunnyvale, California.

He surprised everyone by bringing out Katie Holmes, who showed off her very pregnant belly. And then the guy makes fun of himself by jumping on top of the couch, exactly like he did on Oprah while promoting War Of The Worlds.

Skinny People In L.A.

I know everyone waits for my skinny model posts at the end the week. Call me whatever you want, you like it, and you need to see it. Here are this week's models, from some L.A. Fashion Week shows:


This getup is sooooo L.A. The fishnets, the plaid, the dirty boots, that "I don't know who you are" attitude. I love it all! (Antik Denim 2006, Culver City)



Nice hair! (Jennifer Nicholson fall 2006, Culver City)



This is child abuse! This kid is going to have a warped sense of how much a person should weigh, hanging out with these models backstage. (Antik Denim 2006, Culver City)



Is this a Nightie? (Jennifer Nicholson fall 2006, Culver City)



And then the Duff sisters have to ruin the whole event by showing up and lettin the world see how fat Hayley's toes are. Do they have no shame?

Past skinny model posts:

Tall, Skinny Little Miracles of Life

This Week in Skinny Models

This Week's Skinniest Models Are...

Big Ears On Skinny Models

More Model Fun

Will Houndstooth Ever Go Out of Style?

The Skinniest Models Are From Brazil

Fashion Fun!

They Only Want You When You're Seventeen

Pictures That Make Us Feel Fat

5 Things I Learned From Skinny Models

Weekly Model Thinspiration

Caroline Trentini Is Skinnier Than YOU

Useless Things Photoshop Links

I realized in the short time that I've been blogging, that I've used quite a bit of fun Photophoped pictures. So here is a list of links:

1. To see the Pope as the Grinch click here.

2. To see Kirsten Dunst as a plumber click here.

3. To see Victoria Beckham's OVER-sized sunglasses click here.

4. To see Mischa Barton's boobs through X-ray glasses click here.

5. To see Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa click here, and here.

6. To see Nicole Richie's OVER-sized sunglassses click here.

7. To see my Mischa Barton "Che" T-shirt click here.

8. To see Lindsay Lohan as Wonder Woman click here.

9. To see Lindsay Lohan with BROWN eyes click here.

Phil Spector's Hair

I don't wanna get into the trial, or anything, I don't know if he's guilty or not, and it's never cool when someone dies. This is not the site for things like that.

This is Usless Things! I mean Useless. All I'm interested in is Phil Spector's hair! How is this accomplished!?

This Guy Is Still On Drugs

Not only has Pete Doherty admitted to his drug charges, he also did drugs in front of a Rolling Stone reporter during the interview!

Here he is kicking at photographers, and looking like a mess before his court hearing.

Now, I ask you, do you think he's off drugs? I don't.

What's sad is no one is really trying to help him, and the media is using him as a poster boy for druggies all over the world.

Chef Gets Killed

So they killed Chef in the first South Park of the 10th season, here is the scene. Pretty gross, actually.

Richard Pryor's Last Joke...

I'm a huge fan of Richard Pryor. I listen to his albums for days on end, over and over, and I still crack up. He was a true genius of comedy.

This is a bowl he painted in the fall of 2005 for the Geauga County Humane Society's Rescue Village fundraiser. It reads, "Little Black Man In A Big White World."

Pretty funny!

Lindsay Lohan Wants To Be Wonder Woman

I read this at Contactmusic.com, and I felt like messing around with Photoshop a bit. Enjoy!



Can you see it? I sorta can.

More Sharon Stone Media Balance

Sharon Stone has to be setting some kind of record for appearances to promote her movie, Basic Instict 2. Last week I showed you the images results when searching for her last name.

Here are the results today: 30 images. 2 are of Palestinian boys throwing "stones" at Israelis in the West Bank. 1 is of some Japanese lady in a "Solar Stone Spa". And then 27 images of Sharon Stone promoting her movie.

NOTE: None of this weeks images are repeated from the last post.

Liv Tyler Isn't That Fat

Here she is at the premiere of the film Lonesome Jim, directed by Steve Buscemi, in New York, today.

She looks ok to me, though she does have a big head. Liv was slamming skinny mothers in Hollywood some time ago. Now she's back, and she looks trim herself.

What goes on in the mind of you crazy Hollywood women? I'll never know.

Pillsbury Bake-Off Contest

Just a follow up to the Useless post on Todd Oldham, he designed the aprons.

At the Pillsbury Bake-Off Contest, Arlene Swiatek Gillen from Holland, N.Y., measures the dough for her Fruit and Nut Pastries recipe Tuesday, March 21, 2006, during the 42nd Pillsbury Bake-Off Contest in Orlando, Fla, where amateur home cooks from 35 different states are vying for a $1 million grand prize.

Just keeping it Useless.

New Shakira/Wyclef Song Sucks

I'm no music authority, I can't play a single note, and I can't sing at all. But I do know when a song just plain sucks. This morning on the radio I heard a Wyclef song featuring Shakira, and it was terrible. Now I see they were on TRL.

I don't know what the song is called, and I'm not going to look it up because it's not worth it. Just heed my warning: The song sucks.

Mischa Barton Wears 'Care Bear' Pajamas

This I got from Contactmusic.com. It's my favorite Hollywood chick, again.

"Everyone thinks I'm glamorous, which makes me laugh because I'm pretty geeky. "On Saturday mornings I love watching cartoons in my Care Bear slippers and pyjama set. "How's that for glamour?"

It's pretty good, actually.

Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone puts her hands to her face during a press conference in Madrid Tuesday March 21, 2006, where she presented the movie Basic Instinct 2.

Eh, I don't know, I just liked the picture.

The Return of Chef!

Reuters is reporting that South Park begins its 10th season Wednesday, March 22, 2006 with the first episode titled, "The Return of Chef!" despite Isaac Hayes leaving the show over the whole Scientology thing.

No name was given as to who would be voicing the character, but he's definately not going away.

Kudos to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, for sticking to their guns.

To see the full Scientology episode click here.

Paris Hilton Decides Greek Dudes Aren't That Cool Afterall.

Stories are poppin' up about Paris Hilton breaking up with Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos over language barriers. Apparently the guy was speaking Greek with his friends in front of her, and she thought they were making fun of her, which, they probably were.

Rumors say she's either going back to male model Jason Shaw, or back to the other Greek dude named Paris. If either of these guys take her back, they are both tools.

Really, she needs to be with me, Big Daddy. I'd get her to take off her color contacts, grow her natural brown hair out, and dress down a little. Oh, and call me "Big Daddy".

Is Harrison Ford Losing His Mind?

I don't like making fun of my childhood heroes, you know, Han Solo and Indiana Jones practically raised me. But Harrison Ford has been acting really nutty on the red carpet these days.

If you read Useless Things somewhat regularly (and I'm sure you don't) you'd remember what he pulled at the Golden Globe red carpet, with this stunt.

Here he is in Barcelona, Spain, today, before the premiere of his movie Firewall. Is this some sort of new method acting technique? Does he stay in character even after the movie comes out?

Mischa Barton Sells Keds At The Mall

Mischa Barton visited Macy's in San Francisco, California, on Saturday. She was of course peddling her Keds shoes, which are now back in style due to her overwhelming beauty and class.

If Mischa Barton told these impressionable girls that shit tacos were all the rage, they'd all go home and Google "shit tacos" to find out were they can buy some.

Hell, I Googled "shit tacos" just to write this post, and she never said it.

Casino: Greatest Movie of All Time, Pt. 3

To read the first 2 posts on this series, go here and here.

Finally, the other reason Casino is the greatest movie of all time is Robert De Niro. Along with having the coolest name in the world, he's one of the best actors in the world.

I tend to like his character in Casino, Sam 'Ace' Rothstein (based on Frank Rosenthal) more than his character Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas. Just because Ace is smarter, and has people around him that are the muscle so he doesn't have to get his hands dirty. That, and I still wear those tacky 70's jackets he wears. I love them.


Sorry Kanye, De Niro was rockin' the oversized Carreras before you, dog.



This is when he first sees Sharon Stone. Love at first sight. This is De Niro in love. Important: The "De Niro in love" look is eerily similar to the "De Niro about to break your legs" look.


Nope, I don't see ANYTHING in those eyes that makes me think you'd give up your daughter to that crazy bitch.


Weighing in the Showgirls, "Why is she 8 pounds overweight?"


"Listen to me, an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin.... AN EQUAL AMOUNT OF BLUEBERRIES IN EACH MUFFIN."


Talking to the cheater he caught in the casino, "Cause if you come back here - we catch either one of you - we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. You don't fuck around in this place. You got it?"

LOL!

But in the end, I wound up right back where I started.


Say no to gambling kids!

Tom Sizemore, My Hero

Tom Sizemore was totally banging Elizabeth Hurley while she was still seeing Hugh Grant. This guy is a total badass. Seems like he even fell in love with her, but she went back to Hugh, eventually.

The best thing he said was, "It gave me great pleasure thinking of Hugh's smug, handsome face every time I was in bed with his girlfriend."

Ouch! Let this be a lesson for all you smug handsome guys out there, so confident that your beautiful girlfriend is happy with your dumb ass. Women are nuts. Yes, even your girlfriend.


Who's that man with the badass white shoes? Not sure, but my guess is Tom Sizemore.

Ryan Cabrera, It's Over Dude, Go Away

This guy is still trying to ham it up for the media, like, "Hey look at me, I'm still a wild and crazy Pop Rock star!" and it just isn't working. Dude, you were Ashlee Simpson's guitarist, and you were lame. The only reason people sort of know who you are is because Ashlee pretended to be "so in love with you" in an inoccent teenage sort of way on her short-lived MTV reality series, mainly for dramatic effect. You were a pawn, and you know it. Then her dad put an end to that.

Now look at him, desperately grabbing on to what little fame that show gave him, performing free concert at a Walmart store opening.

Dude, you're a 24 year old man. We don't believe you when you try to ride a little girl bike in Walmart, acting like a teenager having fun with his friends. Your cover's blown, bro. You just look like a fool now.

Get a haircut, and be a man.

Pitt/Jolie Wedding Hoopla Continues...

This is great. It's also proof the I was right about the locals making fun of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and the hysteria they are bringing to a small Italian village.

These two men dressed as Brad and Angelina joke for the photographers. I love the Italian people and their sense of humor, they're totally mocking everyones interest in this stupid event. This is also why AP photographers are badasses, they can make a picture for whatever story.

Oleg Cassini Dies

Oleg Cassini, the official designer to Jacqueline Kennedy, who created the dresses that helped make her the most glamorous first lady in history, died Friday. He was 92. Cause of death was not immediately known.

I have a couple of his shirts, and a tie, and I still wear them!

Sharon Stone Saturating the Media

When I search for the term "stone" on the wires today, I get 29 results: 4 pictures of palestinians thowing stones at Israeli policemen, and 25 pictures of Sharon Stone promoting the movie Basic Instinct 2. And 10 of those 25 are promoting some movie called Instinto Básico II, Adicción al Riesgo.


So much for balance.

Pitt-Jolie Wedding Craziness

Everyone is freaking out over the possiblility of the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie wedding which is rumored to occur on Saturday on George Clooney's Villa on the Lake Como, in Laglio, Italy.

I'm looking through the pictures, and all I can think about is how lucky, and filthy rich George Clooney must be. This house is beautiful.

I hope they don't plan on having the ceremony on this tacky-ass boat. I don't care how much it costs them, that's a tacky idea. You know those locals in the picture are making fun of them.

Along with those caterers. Don't they look like the guys from Fight Club? One of those guys should walk up to Brad Pitt and say, "I'd advise Mrs. Jolie against the clam chowder."

Tall, Skinny Little Miracles of Life

It's that time of the week again! Skinny fashion model time! These are from Toronto Fashion Week. The winner is always the top photo, and here she is:


You know you're really skinny when even if you wear things that cover your whole body, you still look thin. This white outfit almost looks too big on this chick. She's probably like 6 feet tall too. God bless her. (Pink Tartan show, Toronto Fashion Week)



This next redhead is just breathtaking. Does anyone know her name? She looks like she's going to be real big. Let it be known, I discovered her. (Pink Tartan show, Toronto Fashion Week)



Uh-Oh, I think someone needs to tell this girl that those gloves make her arms look fat. What did she do before the show, eat? (David Dixon show, Toronto Fashion Week)



And finally, doesn't it make you mad that skinny models can wear the most ridiculous crap, and still look beautiful? Anyone else wearing this getup would look like an extra in a Tim Burton movie, but not this girl, she's exempt. (Pink Tartan show, Toronto Fashion Week)

Till next time, and remember, I'm fat, and you're fat.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Kissing and smooching at the World Baseball Classic game between United States and Mexico. Mexico won the game 2-1. Why do TomCat think they need to make out passionately at every single event they attend? They're starting to bother me. Here they are with the kids and Baseball legend Ernie Banks.

Did I mention we lost? To Mexico!!??

Sculpting 2pac's Head

Sculptor Jeni Fairey of the Tussauds Studio London, adding the final touches to the wax head of the late rapper Tupac Shakur in Los Angeles Thursday. The wax figure of Tupac will unveiled at the Madame Tussaud Museum in Las Vegas at the Venetian Hotel on April 5.

What a talented broad. I want to go. To Vegas, that is. I'll forget about visiting the museum when I get there though.

Testing....

Hello. Dugh shshsh..d

ShoWest Awards: Useless Flavor

ShoWest's closing ceremony was tonight at the Paris Las Vegas Hotel. Here are the Useless recaps:

Actor Brandon Routh was named "Male Star of Tomorrow." Gee, it wouldn't be because he's the new SUPERMAN or anything, right? No.

Natalie Portman was there too, she was named "Female Star of the Year." And what's up with that dress? Is she wearing a Captain Kirk uniform? Seriously. Maybe someone told her it was a Star Wars convention, and she thought they said Star Trek, for whatever reason.


Vince Vaughn was there, and he won "Comedy Star of the Year".


Jennifer Hudson, Hugh Jackman, and M. Night Shyamalan were there too, but they don't get any pictures.

Ice Cube = Mr. Kotter

Ah yes, Welcome Back, Kotter. I used to watch this show everyday when it was on Nick at Nite. I'm glad to say I was too young to have seen it when it originally aired.

Gabe Kaplan, the former "Welcome Back, Kotter" creator-star says rapper-actor Ice Cube is the "perfect guy" to star in the big screen remake of the TV series.

You know, if Gabe Kaplan is behind it, I'll actually go see it. That is my position on remakes, I'll only accept them if and only if the original creator/director is producing it. Hence, my anticipation for Miami Vice!

Happy Birthday Jerry!

Jerry Lewis turns 80.

American actor and entertainer Jerry Lewis, left, sticks out his tongue as he poses in front of a birthday cake during an award giving ceremony at the Culture Ministry in Paris, Thursday, March 16, 2006. Lewis, who turned 80 on Thursday, was made Commander in the Legion of Honor order by French Culture Minister Renaud Donnedieu de Vabres.

Good for him. I don't even feel like being a smart ass. He's an film and TV legend, and he helps kids all over the world.

Christian Slater Fashion Faux Pas

Again. Remember the last time? Again now with the suit and cap. Lame. What happened to the dream, man? What happend to that cool guy from Young Guns II, and Pump Up the Volume?

You're killing me. And who the hell is Q-Man?

Lydia Hearst Is Not Controversial

Here's Lydia Hearst, our favorite socialite who doesn't get sloppy, and keeps her personal life to herself.

Here she attends the "Hollywood Meets Motown" fundraiser, Wednesday, March 15, 2006 in New York.

And today she's in my hometown, hosting an event for GenArt. Too bad I work.

Watch out Paris Hilton!

Jessica Simpson in '08!

It's so funny to see Jessica Simpson pulling a Hillary Clinton.

Operation Smile International Youth Ambassador Jessica Simpson arrives for an Operation Smile news conference on Capitol Hill, Thursday, March 16, 2006. Operation Smile has treated more than 98,000 children and young adults suffering with cleft lips, cleft palates and other facial deformities around the world.

She refused to meet up with the President this week, although she says she's a strong supporter. I can't help but be a conspiracy theorist, but I think Bush's team made that call. The last thing they need is a picture of George and Jessica, all smiles!

Could you imagine the late night talk show bonanza? They got enough with Cheney shooting his friend. The last thing they need is George Bush offering Jessica Simpson and cheetoe.

Nipple Hair Record

Ok, this guy on Leno last night from Canada said he held the Guinness World Book record for longest nipple hair. His name is Tyler Ing.

So as Jay interviews him, and before the guy actually shows it, I was expecting him to take his shirt off and extend a guitar string from his tit. Nope. His pulls out a small ass ruler and measures a 3.75 inch nipple hair. What? Thats it?

No, no, no, I know that's lame. There has to be an American out there to beat this lame record. Am I the only guy who isn't that impressed? 3.75 inches, not even 4?

There HAS to be a fat hairy pig-like guy out there, sitting in front of a computer, Budwieser cans crushed below his feet, Jessica Simpson poster on the wall behind him, wife cooking crystal meth in the kitchen, who has at LEAST an 8 incher on his man-boob.

I'm looking after you, dude! This is your chance!

Thank God the name of my blog is Useless Things.

Lohan Uses Proactiv Solution

I don't know if she does for sure, but she better start. They just paid her $2 Million to appear in their infomercials. You know the ones, Jessica Simpson was in one of them, Venessa Williams, and even P. Diddy. I still like to call him Puff Daddy.

There's no such thing as "too much Lindsay Lohan" in one day.

Lohan Considered for Dallas

Linsday Lohan is being considered to play Lucy in the movie remake of the 80's TV show Dallas, according to the original actress who played Lucy, Charlene Tilton.

From contactmusic.com:

"They're thinking of casting LINDSAY LOHAN to play LUCY. I'm a fan of Lindsay Lohan's I think it's a great choice. I could play Lucy's mother."

Whatever, there are also rumors of John Travolta playing JR, and Jennifer Lopez playing Sue Ellen. I'm not that excited. I still would rather see Linsday and Sharon Stone playing Vegas prostitutes.

(Lucy is the one up front, blue shirt)

Adriana Lima is a Virgin

PageSix reported that Victoria's Secret supermodel Adriana Lima, 24, is still a virgin. Normaly I wouldn't care, I've never really liked the chick. Her face is weird, and she looks dumber than the average model.

I actually feel kind of feel sorry for her, in a way. It just shows that her life for the past 8 years has most likely been manipulated by agents, publicists, managers, and everyone else. Not having any time to make her own beautifully bad desicions.

Or, it could all be model horse shit. A way to get even more jokers looking at her pictures, and buying her crap. I can't help to be cynical.

Casino: Greatest Movie of All Time, Pt. 2

I think Casino is the greatest movie of all time. Click here to read Part 1.

This post will be about Joe Pecsi's character, which brought the right dose of humor and violence to the epic tale of greed and destruction in Las Vegas.


First off, Martin Scorsese uses the best Rolling Stones music ever. Hands down. In this scene he uses "Can't You Hear Me Knockin'" and it's just perfect.


Watching Nick Santoro slap his wife after a couple of more diamonds fell out of her hair bun from smuggling a bunch into Vegas is priceless.


If you ever want to see a guy get stabbed in the neck with his own pen, then this scene is perfect for you.


A word to the wise, if you even get your head put in a vice to disclose a name, just say it, say the name. It would save us all the graphic details, and your eye would stay inside your head.


"You only exist here cause of ME!" Classic Joe Pesci.


And finally, the most graphic scene in the movie, Pesci and his brother get beaten with aluminum bats, and buried alive in the corn fields.

Say no to crime, Kids!

I'm Kind of Sharon Stoned Out

Sharon Stone arrives at the world premiere of the film 'Basic Instinct 2' at the Vue Cinema in Leicester Square, London, Wednesday.

She sure knows how to sell a picture. I've made the decision to go see it, though I know it's not going to be as good as the original.

Check out the last picture of Stone and Lohan together at the Elton John Oscar Party. I say, put them in a movie together, as a mother and daughter team of high end Vegas escorts! I'm there! Forgive me, I've been watching Casino over and over again since last Thursday.

Carpet Bags Back In Style

They just are, accept it. Carpet bags, which were originally made in the 1960s, have reappeared, new in colors, hardware and handles.

You don't have to take style or fashion advice from a man who posts pictures of Lindsay Lohan when she slips, or actually likes Paris Hilton's music.

But ask yourself this, who else would know this shit?

Sting: Bad Ass

Does it get any classier than this guy? Really, does it?

Sting announces the induction of Jerry Moss and Herb Alpert into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame during ceremonies, Monday, in New York.

I couldn't have all the talent and class that Sting has, I'd mess it up. I'd pull a Chappelle/Rick James all the time.

"Don't you know who I am? I'm Sting, Bitchas!"

Who The Hell Are Aly and AJ?

Imagine the studio exec at Disney saying, "Give me the Olsen Twins sans eating disorders, and strap on some guitars......Oh, Oh, and make sure they sound exactly like Ashlee Simpson, the both of them."

That's basically Aly and AJ, or as I like to call them, The Ashlee Simpson Twins! I tried to listen to it objectively, cause I don't wanna sound like the old guy who says, "oh boy, music was so much better in my day," because it wasn't. But can't today's youth see this is manufactured? It's cheesy? It's too much of the same?

And then there's me, the blogger who will post their pictures, and link to their site , simply because I'm no better.

I just wish there was some real rebellion in mainstream Rock 'n Roll or even Pop.

This Week in Skinny Models

This week we have models in Lisboa, Portugal from their fashion week. These models take part in the Katty Xiomara show.

Sorry, last week I didn't have any skinny models. The only fashion show was in Spain, and I guess they like fat chicks there. And by "fat" I mean "over 115 lbs."




Don't be mad at me, I didn't invent the fashion industry. I'm a victim, just like you.

Casino: Greatest Movie of All Time, Pt.1

I bought Casino this past weekend, and I'm pretty sure it's the greatest movie of all time. Yes, better than The Godfather, Citizen Kane, or Casablanca.

So good in fact, that I'm posting a series on Useless Things on my favorite scenes.

Here's Part 1:

Sharon Stone. Her best perfomance by far, she won the Globe, but lost the Oscar.


Scene where De Niro falls in love with her in the casino. Gorgeous!


From beautiful casino babe to nagging housewife who needs money (25K) but won't say why.



Full circle, now she's a crazy bitch, who wants to screw over her husband!


You know the character is on the way down when she's doing coke. In front of her daughter.


Aftermath: Strung out, alone, given a hot dose, and dead.

Say no to drugs kids!

Erykah Badu's Afro Scares Me

Singer Erykah Badu arrives at a SXSW Film Festival screening of "Before the Music Dies" in Austin, Texas, Sunday.

I'm glad I saw Chappelle's Block Party, and I'm glad Erykah Badu took off her fro (yes, it's a wig) midway through her performance.

Sharon Stone is a Good Actress

Say what you will about her. But she's a good actress, nonetheless.

Here, she kisses the Western Wall, Judaism's holiest site, during a visit to Jerusalem's Old City on Sunday.

I'm preparing a Huge post on the movie Casino. Stay tuned.....

Russell Crowe And His Lame Band

Russell Crowe was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night, not as the premiere guest, but as the last guest, the musical guest, if you will.

Jay introduced them as "Russell Crowe and The Ordinary Fear Of God." He may as well just said, "Ladies and gentleman, Russell Crowe has completely lost his mind!" Cause thats how I felt.

Honestly, it's not that they were that bad, it's just that it's Russell Crowe. I love almost everything he does, he's a great actor, and then he's got to ruin his image by doing this Elvis impersonation/Blues Brothers thing. And, well, I just wish he would stick to being a bad ass actor.

Paris Hilton Songs

Okay, Paris says her album will drop in April. (that's hip-hop slang for 'coming out')

I've had the song "Screwed" on my iPod for quite some time (thanks Sarah!) and I have to admit, it's grown on me. You can find a lot of things not to like about it, but none of those things has to do with Paris Hilton, in my opinion.




1. Screwed



2. Caught Up In The Rapture (featuring Won-G and Gizelle)



Again, I don't like the cheesy rapper guy, but Paris sounds fine to me.

Lindsay Lohan Makes Her Mom Cry

PageSix reports that Lindsay Lohan's mom Dina said, "Lindsay's smoking. You think I like it? No. I cry to her. I told her, 'You have to stop smoking. You have asthma. You could die.' "

Speaking of crying, check out these photos from the now famous GM Fashion Show. It looks like Lohan is holding back some tears of her own. I bet someone called her fat, backstage. Those heartless Hollywood starlets!

Paul Klee Was An Artist

Paul Klee's work is displayed at Neue Galerie in New York, Wednesday, March 8, 2006. Klee was a leading German-Swiss modernist whose works were branded degenerate by the Nazis. The exhibition of 60 works from museums and private collections in the U.S. and overseas will focus on his impact on American arts during the 30s and 40s, and the influences of pre-Columbian, native American art on his highly experimental style.

Luckiest Girl In The World

The mainstream media is finally jumping on the Daria Werbowy boat. She's photographed by AP today in Toronto. She's the new face of Lancome, and one of the most sought-after runway models today.

And since I'm a model freak, I've posted about her before here and here.

Oh, and she was featured in my weekly random skinny model post as well.

Conan O'brien Is King Of Finland

Conan O'brien jokes that he bares a strong resemblance to Tarja Halonen, the Finnish President.

He's damn right! Read the story of his Finland Show.

David Hasselhoff Is A Pimp

Pamela Bach, left, poses with husband David Hasselhoff in this Aug. 11, 2000 file photo in Los Angeles. Less than a month after filing for divorce, Bach, the estranged wife of Hasselhoff, is alleging that the former "Baywatch" star abused her, according to court records.

He didn't do it man! Leave Michael Knight alone. Look into that woman's eyes man, she's crazy! I know a little something about crazy bitches. That's all I ever date. I can tell a crazy bitch from a normal one.

I defend Hasselhoff.

Failure to Launch Finally Launches

So, this movie is finally coming out, after it ironically failed to launch.

Matthew McConaughey totally didn't get along with Sarah Jessica Parker. They tried to be nice about it, on Oprah he called her " Very peculiar, too. Man, she’s a very interesting woman. Yeah."

Look at Sarah Jessica in this premiere picture! You can tell she doesn't like him at all! What a phoney smile!

And my girl Zooey Deschanel is trying not to notice.

Priceless Lindsay Lohan Video

This video is so great. Ever wonder what a trip to the Fred Segal store is like for Lindsay Lohan?

CLICK HERE.

I like how she can pretty much ignore the over 15 people fumbling over her and chasing her around.

Paris Banned From VF Oscar Parties

Paris Hilton is reportedly banned from Vanity Fair Oscar Parties by editor Graydon Carter. Something about reducing the guest list this year to 500, and reserved only for A-listers.

Am I the only person who actually feels like defending her? Poor Paris, all she wants to do is be a publicity whore, why can't we accept her? I'm not for this unanimous Hollywood elite decision to bash Paris Hilton for being, well, Paris Hilton. Like she's the only phoney, please.

Anyways, next year she'll have played Mother Teresa in the epic new movie, and she'll be nominated for Best Actress! Take that Vanity Fair!


Nice photoshop!

Annalise Braakensiek Likes Animals

Australian model Annalise Braakensiek appears in the new ad for PETA, which is part of an international campaign calling for a boycott of Australian wool until the industry stops shipping millions of live sheep on what they call "death ships" to the Middle East. PETA is exposing the harsh conditions and extreme weather sheep face on their voyage to the Middle East and Africa.

And all the while I thought they were just exposing some good ol' T&A.

Pete Doherty Is Nasty

Pete Doherty arriving at the Thames Magistrates Court in east London for a review of his sentence for possessing hard drugs.

What is the deal with this guy? Can someone explain to me how this man succeeded in sleeping with Kate Moss? Was she that desperate for coke? It doesn't look like he's off the coke, either.

Pussycat Dolls Embarrassment To Strippers, Selves

I had to post this. These chicks are taking the term "Nip-slip" and revolutionizing it many times over.

You must see the rest of these shots at IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com A great blog everyone should have on their bookmarks.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Well if by "hot" you mean "a sweaty exposed crackhead stripper," then no, not really.

Back To Normal...

This picture of Heath Ledger kissing Michelle Williams at the Lakers game Monday night reflects how I feel about the Oscars. They're over. Everything's back to normal. I resist posting all the residual Oscar crap.

I don't want to hear the words "Brokeback" or "Crash" for a long time.

Barbie Tours America

This chick Erin Elizabeth Coors was just cast as Barbie in "Barbie Live in Fairytopia," which marks the first time the doll character has been brought to the stage in a national touring production.

They're actually coming to my town, but I'm not the least bit interested in going. I don't even know why I posted this. I think I was going to make fun of girl playing Barbie, but I changed my mind.

I'm just pissed I can't go to the Sinatra thing.

Sinatra Show In London

Sinatra at the London Palladium is a stage show in London where dancers perform in front of huge projection of Frank Sinatra. They show never before seen footage of the singer, and they have a 24 piece live orchestra playing his greatest hits.

I love Sinatra. I wish I could go. But I can't.

The Hearst Sisters

Maybe because I don't live in New York, I don't read a lot about the Hearst Sisters, Lydia and Amanda. (Lydia is pictured)

They are the heirs to the William Randolph Hearst fortune.

Why don't these girls go out a make drunken fools of themselves like Paris? I would. They are both Ford models as well. I bet they'd be really fun to make fun of.

How dare they be respectable, honest, and private. How selfish. Don't they know we need to see the scandal and the debauchery?

Madonna's Daughter Is Awesome

This is so great. Lourdes asks her mommy, Madonna, if she's gay "because you kissed Britney Spears."

So Madonna replies, "No, it just means I kissed Britney Spears. I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her."

Why couldn't she just tell her the truth? It should have gone something like this:

See, Lourdes, there's this thing called "media hype" and when mommy's career isn't doing too well, she needs it. It just so happened that Britney's career needed it around the same time as mommy. So the best thing we both could have done was a thing called "selling out." See Lourdes, MTV is the best at that game.

Mischa Barton Oscars

Mischa Barton arriving at an Oscar party. Don't worry girl, just be smart, dump Cisco Adler, hook up with Jake, and you'll be at the Oscars by next year. I promise.

Oscar Roundup, Useless Style

If you wanna know the winners and all that other crap, just go here. If you want to see Useless stuff with dry, dark, cynical commentary, and the occasional exposed breast, just scroll down.




First off, congrats to Phil Hoffman. You deserve it, man. You're great in every movie.




The Aussies looked really great. Kidman looked better than any other year, and Naomi Watts is stunning. Diane Kruger looked gorgeous, as predicted by me. Can I even use the term "Aussie?" I'm not sure anymore, because I saw Crash, and now I feel really guilty about using those kind of terms. I must be a terrible person, and a racist.




I love Saturday Night Fever, it's one of my all time favs. Is John Travolta doing something strange to his hair? Last night his hairline looked too straight, and perfect. It looks really dark for the length that it is. Could it be the spray can thingy?




The Matrix has us in a red carpet time-warp.
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock arrive to the 66th Academy Awards Sunday, March 5, 1994. Their movie Speed is nominated for 12 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Director, Leading Actor, and Supporting Actress. (Speed is better than Crash)



Bless Dolly Parton for still being in the game. What a trooper. I felt bad during her performance, it was just her on an empty stage. The other acts had rear projections, pyrotechnics, Hip-Hop DJ's, and even interpretive dancers. Since her song was in Transamerica maybe they could have had an elaborate hospital set in which a real sex-change operation was being performed as she sang "Travelin' Thru".



Just a little Spielberg humor. You know what? I bet Spielberg knew about the upset somehow, just so he could say to Ang Lee after the ceremony, "So, how does it feel, Ang? Huh? How does it feel?!"



As promised, some Oscar boobage. Gina Gershon at one of the after parties. Damn, you know, she still looks good.



Can someone please explain to Martin Scorsese why Three 6 Mafia has an Oscar, and he doesn't.

Best Picture Winner "Crash" Sucks. Again.

In case no one read my first post on this terrible movie. Oh, and my second post, right before the Oscars.

Now, It's official. I'm done talking trash about this movie, the bottom line is that it is bad.

If you want to see a movie that treats it's audience with condescension, a movie that beats you over the head with it's message and then TELLS you what you should think about it's subject, then Crash is for you.

There are Ludacris songs that are written better than Crash.

How To Throw a Gay Cowboy Party

It's easy. Just have a couple of friends over on Oscar night Sunday.

So far, the drinking game goes like this:

1. Everytime Brokeback Mountain wins an Oscar, everyone takes a shot.

2. Everytime Jon Stewart or any presenter makes a gay cowboy joke, everyone takes a shot.

Nominated for 8 awards, I'm sure it will win at least 5, and they'll be plenty of jokes, for sure.

(the shirts from the movie sold for $101,100.51 on e-bay)

Diane Kruger Or Diane Heidkrueger

Diane Kruger was a former model. But when she was a model her name was Diane Heidkrueger.

Like our beautiful Anne Vyalitsyna, who is simply "Anne V" to you Sports Illustrated suscribers, why do these chicks get advised to shorten or change their names? Are they not hot enough to demand we learn how to pronounce their names?

Here is Diane outside of the Kodak Theater, she's in the Oscar-nominated foreign language film Joyeux Noel. She was also in National Treasure with Nic Cage. I can't wait to see this beauty on the red carpet Sunday.

Halle Berry Goes Crazy

Halle Berry, The Hasty Pudding Theatricals Woman of the Year, performs during the annual Harvard Univeristy's Hasty Pudding event in Cambridge, Mass.

Is this lady on drugs? She's dry-humping a man dressed as a poodle, and touching her breasts. Is this what you do when you get invited to Harvard?

A Preggers Gwen Stefani

I resisted calling Gwen Stefani fat. Not cause I'm a fan, really, but because I can't get that song Crash out of my head.

On second thought, why not? Gwen Stefani is fat.

Spiderman 3 Set Pictures

Here are some pics of Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire on the set of Spiderman 3.

Every One's a Winner Baby, That's The Truth

I'm getting excited about Oscar Night.

Fifty Oscars that will be presented to the winners of the 78th Academy Awards are on public display at the Hollywood & Highland Center.

Wish I was in L.A. I'd like to hold one in my hand. That's just one of the many Useless Things you can do when you live in L.A.

Below, two ordinary people pretend they won:

Its Pays To Be Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil McGraw's Gemballa Porsche and Ferrari 360 Spider will cross the block at Barrett-Jackson's Palm Beach Auction. It must be nice to have a couple of spare luxury sports cars to just give away.

I dressed as Dr. Phil for Halloween last year. I shaved my head, but I looked too skinny.

Jude Law and Cameron Diaz

Some old pics of Jude Law and Cameron Diaz as they film their new movie The Holiday. The movie also stars Kate Winslet and Jack Black. That's all.

Mischa Barton is Brainwashed

According to contactmusic.com, Mischa Barton claims she and the troll, Cisco Adler, are a perfect match. She insists, "Anyway, we're both completely boring"

Uhm, no, you're not. Mischa Barton couldn't be boring if she tried. (That's from American Beauty)

When is Jake Gyllenhaal going to call her? It's been more than 2 days now since they exchanged numbers, now would be kinda money to call her. (That's from Swingers)

This Week's Skinniest Models Are...

Okay Useless fans, here's this week's winner. This chick needs to EAT. Like, now!
(Cacharel's ready-to-wear fall-winter 2006-2007 , Paris)

The next model is actually very beautiful, yet very skinny. I think she's just too tall. If she was shorter, she wouldn't look so thin. She's acceptable.
(Emanuel Ungaro's ready-to-wear fall/winter 2006-2007 ,Paris)

Last, we have a mystery model, cause we only see her legs. And what ridiculously skinny legs they are.
(Rochas Ready to Wear Fall/Winter 2006/2007 , Paris)

Bruce Willis is Cold

Not emotionally, physically. He's got to be FREEZING. Look at these pictures of him in the snow on a terrace at the Regency Hotel in New York. Man, you got to give it to him, he's wearing nothing but a t-shirt!

I guess if you were with Petra Nemcova, you'd have balls of steel too.

He really wants to promote this movie 16 Blocks. I'm from Miami, I'm freezing just looking at the picture!

"Crash" Still Sucks...

Nominated for six Academy Awards, the movie Crash won the "Most Profane Film of the Year" Award given by a movie watchdog group called Family Media Guide. According to them the film contains 182 expletives, 62 incidents of violence and 16 incidences containing sexual content.

I didn't even pay attention to the profanity, I was too busy realizing how much the movie just plain sucked.

Maybe I didn't like it because some friends compared it to Magnolia (a vastly superior film), or maybe I didn't like it because there is a scene where a lady in an overturned burning car refuses help in getting out from a cop who groped her earlier in the picture. Um, yeah, that's real.

If I was in a burning car about to explode, I'd let Jeffrey Dahmer help me out.

Gisele Doesn't Need a Bra

She doesn't. She's one of those rare breeds of supermodels, the anorexic, tall, big and firm boobed breed. Like Jeisa. They are rare indeed.

I find it so funny how they use her as the spokesperson for a product that if you think about it, she doesn't need!

Whatever. The truth is, you can't buy what she has, you just got to be born with it.

Do these boobs look like they need support? She can't even pull them down using force.

GM Fashion Show Full of Surprises!

Starting, of course, with a full on Lindsay Lohan nip slip. Here goes:
Naturally, Paris was there:












The beautiful Mischa Barton:


And is this the beginning for Nick Lachey and Alyssa Milano? They actually look good together:


















And to be fair to my girl Lindsay, a picture of her at the event without her boobs on full display: